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poems I - sorrow, melancholy, and the self by shehrozeameen

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Submitted on
March 22, 2013
File Size
701 bytes


37 (who?)
Goodbye my dear old friend
How I wished it did not have to end
How we laughed and sang
Together with the whole gang

Goodbye my dear friend
How I wished that changes that now impend
How we once compared our scars
How we once gazed at the lone stars

Goodbye my friend
How we stood together till the end
How our days were filled with laughter and joy
How you made fun of me being a mama’s boy

Goodbye friend
Our time was not misspend
We will meet again one day
And we shall swing life away
Named after the song it was inspired by, ''Swing life away'' by Rise Against.

Written by Jerrel Simons
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akkajess Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2013  Student Writer
I really like the way an image and a story develops through each stanza. It does feel very reminiscent and makes me wonder if the friend died or moved away. 

I love what you did with the first line of every stanza, it creates a sense of losing someone as the words disappear at different times in the poem - maybe a reference of having a friend for a year and the stanzas represent the four seasons and a decrease in friendship overtime?

I only have a small bit of criticism, and it is that it should be 'Our time was not misspent' to fit the tense the poem is in.

Overall, a very lovely poem that revives old memories and past friends. :nod:

Keep up the good work! :clap:

Kailani-e Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
: ) Very nice piece. It's really quite reminiscent. Great job again ^_^

How have you been Cool guy? It's been too long
Koratoshisfriend Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks ^^

I am fine, what about you?
You are hardly on Skype as of late...
Kailani-e Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
You're welcome :D

I've been dead busy Q_Q
Yea... I work much faster when I'm offline so I've been avoiding it. But I have so much homework I don't have time to get on at all D:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Reminded me more of "The Sounds of Silence" by Simon and Garfunkle and "Descend the Shades of Night" by Machine Head.

:clap: your first upload after a very long time, and you've delivered. The stanzas are crisp, the theme is well handled, the monologue is crisp, and its a wonderful work. Well done.
Koratoshisfriend Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Might be true, but since I was listening to Swing life away and was reading the lyrics of the song I think it was mostly inspired by that song rather than another song (though other songs might have had a little bit off influence).

Thanks, I keep trying to improve, hoping one day I will get a DD however that seems more like a dream than something that would happen in reality. ^^'
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
*puts hands on shoulders* keep pursuing the dream, and it'll become a reality.

It always does, eventually.
Koratoshisfriend Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
But for now, let's clear out that inbox, god those exams made it fill up xD
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
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